Lovelies,
As most young women in America, I find I am absolutely terrified of gaining weight. Not so much the gaining part, or even the weight part, but the weight distribution part. We are told, as a society. that curves are good only so long as they’re offset with other small features. Big boobs and butts – yes – big thighs and waists – no, no, no.
This is, of course, impossible to achieve. I think I am finally comping to terms with the fact that I will never have large boobs, nor will I ever have the enviable body of the victoria’s secret models. There’s a reason people pay lots of money to see them – they’re an abnormality.They are honestly one-in-a-million.
During a recent conversation with my brother, I was astonished to hear that men do not actually like the six-pack stick thin look of runway models. He quickly dispelled all my fears of getting fat in the way that only a male’s no-nonsense approach can.
“Rachel,” he said. “When you lay down to go to sleep do you lay on the floor? When you watch TV do you sit on a pile of rocks? No. People like for things to be soft. I want my woman to be soft.”
Wow. This concept sort of blew my mind. For so long I have ached to have rock-hard muscle, yet all I have been left with is a bony ass and razor-sharp shoulder blades. I do not think I have a single ‘soft spot’ left on my body. I look sick.
I have had a sort of mini epiphany. I will most likely continue to incorporate strength training into my routine, but I will only do it if I really want to, not because I feel I have to. I want to have curves again, somewhere soft for my future boyfriend to lie his head, or for my future child to cuddle up against.
As I reminisce back to my childhood, I have fond memories of what it felt like to snuggle into my mother’s soft, warm side. It was there I felt calm, safe and loved. If a child were to snuggle with me now he would be left cold and bruised. What sort of woman am I? How womanly is it to have sharp bones and hollow eyes?
So now, I declare that my struggle is not only in pursuit of happiness but in pursuit of softness. I’m not precisely sure when I lost this essential aspect of womanhood, but I damn well know that I want it back.
Sincerely,
R
A Natural Sort of Lovely 
The idea of being womanly, feminine and soft is nice. I miss that, my boyfriend misses that, because he liked my curves. Sharp angles aren’t want I really want. I also wish I could pick and choose the weight distribution. At this point though, because I’m not in a good place, weight loss is all I can think of, and I can’t quite grasp what I see in the mirror. I’m aware of the way I look merely based on what other people tell me.
I can feel you. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking ‘Hey I don’t look that bad’ but then I step on the scale a realize I DO look that bad.
My boyfriend of more than two years broke up with me a few months ago and he just revealed that it was because looking at me just tore him to pieces. He had dreams of me dying. In his words, we cannot see each other until I reach a healthy BMI.
This really was a turning point for me, so don’t let that happen to you and your relationship. Keep it in tact while you can.
R
This is so spot on…. why do we push ourselves to be unnaturally sharp and bony when that goes against everything that is warm and cosy and safe. We should embrace our curves as “women”!
I too worry about getting curves in the wrong places, id love bigger boobs and a curvy bum, but the idea of a flabby stomach apalls me. But to be healthy and soft i need to learn to love the curves wherever they fall, because they are there for a reason… to protect my body and potentially nurture a future one :-)
I dont want to be the girl who looks to fragile to cuddle anymore….
I love love LOVE this post. I’m reblogging it on mine. This was just what I needed to hear!
This is so lovely.
It made my day. Sometimes just a little rephrasisng can make a sentence seem so much nicer. You’re right, female softness is part of what makes us lovely x.
Softness is such a worthwhile pursuit. I wonder how much more women would impact the people around them if they focused more on how soft and gentle they were from day to day instead of how much they weigh.