Lovelies,
I was walking downtown this afternoon when out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my outline in a shop window. I came to a halt, determined to once and for all take a good look at myself. I was curious to know how I appeared to others. Did I look as I felt on the inside? If so, that would mean I looked like a healthy vibrant young woman.
Now I wasn’t expecting a miracle by any means, but I was anxious to see if my weeks of hard work had paid off. They had. For once in my college existence I have thighs. Granted they are not huge by any means, but they have a slight curve to them, something that is quite different from their previous linear state.
I was taken aback to say the least, but I do not think I feel at all sad about their sudden appearance. It has been entirely too long since I’ve had any sort of shape to my figure and I quite honestly was relieved to see a change – any change – because that meant I must be doing something right.
Part of the ‘joy’ of losing weight is the fact that you wake up each day to a different body. It is literally changing right before your eyes, a miraculous transformation I have yet to get over. With a few simple tweaks you can literally change the cells in your body. It blows my mind.
However, as I soon came to realize the faults of my extreme diet I began to return to a maintenance amount of calories. I did not gain any, but I also did not lose as well. This meant I was stuck in a sort of limbo, stuck with a rail-thin body but unable to go up or down.
I have been stuck in a twelve-year-olds body for too long and I’m honestly ecstatic that it is finally, finally starting to change. I feel as if I’ve entered puberty again. That first rush you feel purchasing your first training bra – knowing that your body is finally registering itself as a woman – well, I feel like that giddy little girl in her local Kohls department store.
I’ve made it past the first stage and I can hardly ‘weight’ to see what is yet to come.
Rachel <3